I feel like a child
I get a terrible feeling at work and no, it’s not that I think I’m going to be fired. Prior to working back in IT I worked for a Independent Ambulance Service, basically a private firm taking on private and NHS work – it broke me.
Was I any good at the job? I’d like to think so. I’d often to get praise for the various things I did but choosing health, mental well-being and family life was apparently a heinous thing to ask for leaving me depressed and cut-off by the owner. Thankfully, friends, family and an amazing partner (plus step-daughter) persuaded me to escape and things started to look up massively.
Now for the point of this post. Like the Ambulance work, I think I’m pretty damn good at the job I do now. I’ve been promoted twice, had two pay rises and have been invited to eat with the directors – all very positive things I think you’ll agree but WHY, when talking to other people within my department, do I feel like a child?!
I am older than a fair few people in my department (35 years old as of writing) yet the people I most often converse with are nearer my age if not slightly older. On an intellectual note I can go a few rounds before being knocked out but even if it’s a topic I know, I still feel like a kid talking to a teacher and that I’m being assessed. Is it just me?
It’s been almost two years since I joined and the feeling appears less often, what does it all actually mean? I’m the first to admit that I at times my humour can be juvenile yet I can be serious when needed. Maybe I should stop overthinking this but I am interested in your thoughts.